Fear is not for cowards - In an interview with Susanne Kaloff
Why is fear so unpopular in our society?
Because from a young age we are drilled with "You don't have to be afraid!". But it always implies: And if you are, for heaven's sake keep it to yourself. Fear is a topic where the temperature in the room immediately drops. We don't like to talk about it because the fear of others makes us afraid. Yet it is so important to talk about it. Exactly now in the crisis, this is what happens: Fear is on the tray because now more or less all of us have it. This makes it socially acceptable.
You describe yourself as a special case of worry, why?
Because I am very sensitive to stimuli and moods from outside. Like a dolphin when sleeping: always keeping its eyes slightly open. Always on guard, always ready to flee or fight. But it got better, I became more relaxed the more I approached the fear instead of trying to get rid of it.
You never had fear of flying, you appear very confident outwardly, appear on television and conduct interviews with world stars. One might suspect that great fear lurks there. But it is probably the everyday, banal things in life (like driving on the highway) that bring you to the brink of a nervous breakdown. Has it always been like that?
That is not unusual for people with panic attacks; from the outside you don't necessarily see it. That makes it so hard to go public with it. Often those who seem to have their life really under control are in truth riddled with fear highways. Today I no longer have panic attacks, so there are few things that bring me to the brink of a nervous breakdown. But highways are still not among my highlights.
Where does fear come from? Is it in our genes and does it suddenly pop up like a buoy from the depths of our subconscious?
It could be related to the fact that one files stressful experiences in a folder in the brain and then can no longer find the place of storage. No longer consciously remembers it, but subconsciously does. That is why some folders probably only explode years or decades later. And then it seems as if the fear came out of the blue. Meanwhile, one overlooks that the sky was often not as clear as one assumed.
You say, similar to alcohol, fear is one of the big taboo topics – yet it takes a lot of courage to talk about your fears.
Yes, but it takes courage to summon courage. We humans like everything to be good, everything under control, we want to master the things around us. Fear cannot be controlled, it just causes fear and you want to get rid of it. Talking about it seems inappropriate because it is associated with weakness. Slowly we are coming to realize that it is a great strength, and only what becomes visible and audible can be worked on. Suppressing fear does not make it smaller, but rather a time bomb.
Everyone deals with fear differently: some want to fight it, others deny it, and others flee to compensate. How is your way of facing fear?
To meet it lovingly, strongly, and upright. One day after a long inner and outer journey, I turned around and asked it what it wanted from me. Whether I could somehow help it, and what it wanted to point out to me. It serves to make us aware of the life issues that are worth taking a closer look at.
What really helps against panic and fear? You describe very diversely what you have tried over the years to get your fear under control. What of that really helped you?
There is no one recipe, I also did not write a guidebook, but there are tips and ideas in my book "Fear is not for cowards" from which perspective one could also look at fear. I take the reader by the hand on my journey, in which many people will surely recognize themselves. Sharing what helped me hopefully helps others too.
What tools are there against panic attacks?
I am a big fan of exercises from Kundalini Yoga, such as "Fists of Anger". The fists of anger, that is, but it also helps especially with fears and worries. Three minutes daily are enough. I do them every morning with the video by Mikal Vega (link)
Is yoga and meditation the cure-all for any fears?
No, certainly not, but it helps to control the mind. One of the most important things if you no longer want to be a victim of circumstances but decide: Okay, from now on I am in the driver's seat and shape my life according to my wishes. Also, breathing is one of the most important tools to calm the nervous system. For example, you can try breathing evenly in and out through the left nostril for a few minutes. Meanwhile, you hold the right nostril closed with your right thumb. Immediately afterwards, great calm and serenity set in.
A protection for you are the four pillars around you. You chose a very beautiful image for this, "The inner Acropolis". Do such images help you shield yourself against fear?
Yes, one of the visualizations I find helpful when I go among people is this: Four pillars surround your body: front, back, right, and left. And in the middle you are in your center, there you stay, no matter what happens around you. The good thing about the pillars is that they offer protection, they support, but do not have the effect of a coffin. They provide support, but the essential still penetrates. This is also a good exercise if crossing a square causes fear. This inner Acropolis has a similar effect to a strong shoulder to lean on.
Thank you dear Susanne for the great interview! And anyone who now wants to read the book "Fear is not for cowards" can order it from their local bookseller! Because bookstores are particularly affected by the Corona crisis. Feel free to read the blog article "Support your bookseller".