Overdose of feelings
For many, the Christmas season is the most beautiful time of the year. Unfortunately, only a few can truly enjoy the time; most of us are constantly busy making it the most beautiful moment of the year for everyone else. Especially affected are mothers who, as always, work themselves to exhaustion to make children's eyes shine. Between Christmas miracles and Christmas madness, many just feel like crying. But holiday tears are the best tears, says author Karina Lübke. From her new book "please be festive," her very personal view on Christmas stress.
By Karina Lübke
The Christmas season is so incredibly emotionally intense that it can already be considered a form of family therapy. Within just over two months, you experience more existential emotions than during the rest of the year: I regularly cry tears of anger, tears of exhaustion, tears of emotion, tears of disappointment, tears of gratitude, tears of relief, and tears of joy in an annually changing mixture. Because Christmas doesn't just come, as many men believe – you have to emphatically invite it, push it through your door, and make it comfortable. In this form of psychological hero's journey, the comfort zone is left, boundaries are crossed, and daily spontaneous improvisation takes place. Christmas nervous breakdowns are therefore especially traditional among women and mothers and somehow also the best, because they act cathartically: thus cleansed of old burdens and the soul wiped tear-moist, it is good to start the new year in the days between the years.
It's a pity, however, that you never really know if the longed-for and planned feelings will appear at the right time and at the appropriate event. Sometimes the whole staging was perfect, but from sheer exhaustion, you can't feel deeply or highly enough anymore. The intense happiness in the here and now, which I wish for punctually on Christmas Eve, when the real candle flames on the tree burn as the only light sources in the room, when everyone is healthy, freshly washed, and nicely dressed with a glass of champagne in hand and already a curious eye on the presents under the tree, this mixture of deep peace, joyful excitement, and overflowing love often catches me only belatedly on the afternoon of the second Christmas day. Then the worry has also subsided that all the money was invested in gifts that do not elicit cheers from the recipient, but at best a well-mannered "Oh! that's... nice" and at worst a "What is that? What? Aha. And... what do you need that for? Aha. Do you think it can still be exchanged?".
The felt responsibility for the success of the celebration and an appropriate amount of happiness for everyone suddenly fell away from me; what has happened has happened. The outside world, the worries, and all the hustle are far away. I lie alone on the sofa in sweatpants, lit the last candles on the magnificent tree at the onset of the deep blue hour, whose beauty I hadn't really been able to enjoy until now; I listen to a Bach concert through headphones, finally breathe deeply, and suddenly the choir sweeps me away completely: Hallelujahhh! The after-show party is often better than the main event.
How many Christmases does one experience in a lifetime? With good luck and healthy eating, eighty or ninety. If you were to celebrate them all one after another, you would be completely done after three months – with everything. That's really not much time. You have to make the best of it. Psychologists say that memories are best recalled when they are accompanied by strong emotions. That's why you remember emotionally genuine Christmas days in such detail even after many years. That's why it's so important to me to make each one an intense, condensed favorite memory.
Christmas without tears? Not for me!
No, life is not a wish list! But this book contains everything you need to know about Advent and Christmas to not (only) hate the festival of love(s). "bitte recht festlich" by Karina Lübke was published by Carlsen Verlag, has 128 pages, and costs 12 euros (digital edition 8.99 euros). Available here or in all bookstores. Enjoy reading!
Karina first studied design, earned a diploma in fashion, and then completed the Hamburg School of Journalism with Wolf Schneider. She subsequently became an editor and columnist at TEMPO and then wrote freelance for several magazines. Her monthly column "Bitte recht feindlich" in the magazine BARBARA has a large fan base and will be published as a book early this year, as will her next novel. In between, she got married and raised a daughter and a son. You can learn more here.