The Very First Kiss
July 6th is World Kissing Day. Kissing triggers strange reactions in the brain and heart, ranging from "running away" to "kiss hangover." Our author Stefanie Wilke has pondered what happens when 30 facial muscles are busy kissing. You can now read her lip confessions here. And if you want to take action afterward, go ahead: kissing puts you in a good mood. Have fun.
By Stefanie Wilke
He kissed me at midnight in front of a hotel, so tenderly that the next morning I thought I had only dreamed it. The next time he kissed me, it was in a hotel room, and his kisses tasted of sea and champagne. They were no longer hesitant and cautious but full of passion and desire. He kissed me so stormily that I didn't even notice how he undressed me, and suddenly I stood before him in Schiesser Feinripp. Time and space no longer existed—only he and I in that hotel room. I was surprised by how much I wanted him, how much I enjoyed his demanding kisses, and what they promised me in that moment.
Can a kiss change an entire life?
I don't know, but he can throw you off track. We spent the next days in that hotel room like in a trance, and his kisses became more routine, more tempting, now tasting like a mix of toothpaste and heavy red wine. It was as if the movement of his tongue set the rhythm for our lovemaking. It was addictive and awakened longings. Back when we were young and unattached, our encounter would have been the start of a relationship. But now we traveled with baggage; it was complicated.
So we kissed every time we saw each other as if it were the last time, and continued to meet in various hotel rooms. His kisses became more familiar, our lovemaking more intense. He said he didn't want an affair. But how do you label something shaped by such deep feelings and understanding for each other? I tried to resist, tried to downplay that these kisses only stimulated my more than 100 billion nerve cells, releasing oxytocin, adrenaline, and serotonin.
Every time we kissed, my facial muscles relaxed and we exchanged 4000 bacteria from mouth to mouth. We fit together like "ass to bucket". We spoke with our kisses; it was like a secret language between us. They signaled where to go, what needs we had, and what we felt for each other. Nothing more was needed.
The record kiss lasts 58.5 hours, and I could easily have imagined breaking all kiss records with this man on that first night and in that place – it was that beautiful.
My hormones switched to newly in love, and as life goes, this state was supposed to last forever. We created little oases of bliss, entwined our bodies, explored our desire, and enjoyed warmth, security, and tenderness. It was like a short, intense drug high. Suddenly he spoke of love and that he wanted more, unfortunately also control, and so it became complicated.
I believe it is in the nature of things that when the first love intoxication is over, there is a chance for a deeper bond. Feelings turn into thoughts that want to synchronize, and eventually the brain switches back on. What, how, where can this work, can this kiss frenzy really lead me to a new life? My kiss connoisseur wanted everything immediately or nothing at all; he entangled and hid himself. Above all, he was afraid of losing control. Suddenly his kisses tasted bitter and of pain and doubt. He sought refuge and replacement in new projects and in the safe harbor of a long-lasting marriage, which despite lacking love and worn edges remained more predictable for him.
I still taste him on my tongue, feel the melt of his tender lips and the slight scratch of his teeth in my mouth. It amazes me how long this "bacteria exchange" stays in my system, penetrates my soul, and lives on in my dreams. Isn't it true that when you suppress such strong feelings, they always find ways to come back to the surface?
I am grateful for these kisses, what I felt and what they showed me. I have learned for myself that a kiss is not just a kiss and that the moment of bliss is fleeting. That a kiss can change a life, but doesn't have to, and that a kiss that is so intense and passionate can never become friendly-brotherly. The kiss speaks its own truth.
ABOUT STEFANIE:
The author Stefanie Wilke was born in 1964 on Sylt, which was quite wild back then. She grew up on the beach among pirates. Today she lives in Hamburg and has contributed ideas and texts to magazines like AMICA, Allegra, Emotion, and enorm. Currently, she works as a copywriter in an agency. Writing about psychology and love is one of her favorite activities.