Girlfriends

The bond for life ...

 ... I thought it would have been my marriage until I was proven otherwise. My husband left – my girlfriends stayed. Girlfriends have always been important to me, and if I had stayed in Wolfsburg, I would still be chasing after my elementary school friend Sabine (even though she was no longer allowed to play with me, a divorce child). When you experience a great shock and have not only laughed but also cried with friends, friendship suddenly gains another dimension. It can be a lifesaver. I am very lucky to have two wonderful women as best friends.

I even once lived with Steffi in a wild shared flat. Before we became mothers. In any case, we suffered together, are good at crying together, at arguing, and even better at laughing together. Just recently again while watching the film "Der Vorname". It's nice to laugh at the same parts of a film. The sociologist Ferdinand Tönnies speaks of a "community of spirit." You have to have spent at least 50 hours together for an acquaintance to become a friendship. Sociologists certainly don't mean Facebook or Instagram time. Rather, real encounters and experiences. I will never forget how Steffi sold me a hash cookie before the Van Morrison concert in Stadtpark. And later in the legendary Kochsalon on the Kiez, my legs gave out. When we ate rhubarb cake from Bodo's boat dock on the weekend and walked around the Alster with Polly, her Labrador who rolls in every puddle. How we laughed in competition with Sandra Bullock and messed up our interview and danced over Markusplatz at night with Kenneth Branagh. Or got wasted with Udo Kier in a bar in Cannes. 

Of course, there was always some drama when there was great closeness; deep emotions always prevail. And every now and then, there was also radio silence. Nevertheless, we never completely lost sight of each other, and even if we are in different life situations, we share common ground like our love for John Irving or the magic of fashion. I too would have liked to do a yoga training like her and would much rather live in Ottensen than at Klosterstern. I also imagine a childhood on Sylt to be nicer than in the car city Wolfsburg. And Steffi's talent for expressing herself can move me to tears or make me ecstatic. Her gift inspires me, and I believe true friendship is when you look at the other's successes with pride instead of envy. Her empathy towards humans and animals is boundless, and I know very few people who would literally give their last shirt for another person. 

My other friend Vera is just like that – always calm and my rock in the storm. It was love at first sight. I actually knew her ex-boyfriend first. When I saw Vera for the first time, I knew: I have to get to know this woman! I practically stalked her all the way to Lech until she finally took pity on me and agreed to meet. As a thank you, I set her up with my best friend. The result: three wonderful children, a joint company, and a dog named Humphrey. We had children around the same time, and no wonder: they are also very close friends and grow up almost like siblings. I also admire Vera – she never has a bad mood and is a true Rhineland cheerful soul. She is the most organized person I know, and her long lists are legendary. Also her tidying obsession. Her energy is boundless, and when she recently told me that after a 12-hour shoot she practiced Latin with her son via Skype from Africa, it literally left me speechless. You simply can't needle or annoy Vera. She kills me with her "kindness," and I love making her smile. Then I see her dimples, and my heart opens up. Of course, she sometimes loses her composure with her three sons – but it never lasts long, and I find that very reassuring because I also tend to lose my temper now and then. Vera and I are having the best time right now. She took a sabbatical year, and now we walk every morning with Humphrey around the Alster. She never judges or tells me what I should or shouldn't do. Instead, she asks questions that I have to think about for a long time. Her criticism is always very gentle and careful, and I appreciate that about her immensely. At Christmas, she framed the most beautiful picture of us and wrote me such a wonderful letter that I had to shed a tear. Vera always cries with me, and the kids always make their jokes. But it's simply beautiful to have such deep emotions, and this connection gives security. It is a foundation – and a springboard from which we can jump into the world. Even into unreasonable adventures.

My friends can often explain me better than I can explain myself, and over the years we have become something like living diaries for each other. Steffi was always a step ahead of me: whether with marriage, having children, or separation – and I was always able to enjoy and reflect on her life-earned wisdom. No one can hold up a mirror to me as brutally honestly, sometimes even without distance, as my best friends can. In times when everything around me was falling apart, they were there for me day and night. Hours-long phone calls, tearful meetings at kitchen tables, and cautiously learning to walk again – all of this was accompanied by my friends with endless patience, much comfort, and contacts to therapists and astrologers. Only those who have once wandered through the deep plains of an emotional landscape together know how the other ticks when they only hear their voice or look into their eyes. Friendships are never static and are also influenced by different life circumstances, and only if you are always ready to see the core of a beloved person do you not get distracted by diversion maneuvers, protective shells, and blunders. They survive tensions, even hurts, and forgive each other's mistakes. For me, friendships are also about loving each other despite quirks and character weaknesses. And actually, the "despite" is superfluous. We all have our weaknesses. Recently, I read on a sticky note on Steffi's kitchen refrigerator door the saying "The cloak of love covers all faults." An inspiring affirmation for the new year ...