The headquarters of responsibilities
The Corona pandemic with its lockdowns was an exceptional situation for many women. In addition to their professional work, they also had to maintain family life. Inequalities between men and women became clearly visible. The philosopher Rebekka Reinhard took the crisis as an opportunity to write a book about how women can escape a life caught between self-optimization, parenting, career, self-sacrifice, and performance.
By Rebekka Reinhard
In 2020, Corona hit Germany. There were endless lockdowns. Daycares and schools were closed for months, and the word "home office" took on a whole new meaning. A dream! Parents and children finally had distance from the annoying grandparents. "Hey, how's homeschooling going?" the grandmothers asked via Skype. "Great!" the daughters said sarcastically. "It feels like a mix of The Waltons and a TED Talk! The little one logs into the learning portal effortlessly and studies Latin with intrinsic motivation. And I shake my freshly washed hair, smile at the deeply relaxed man by my side, and concentrate intensely on my desk." Ha! Reality resembled a meltdown. Most families were running on empty. Especially the mothers…
At that time, I felt an insane anger. I felt my brain and heart start to tremble simultaneously. Besides Zoom calls, I didn’t have much to do. Because I don’t have a family, but am "only" a philosopher. The Covid-19-related additional planning, organizing, coordinating, washing, cleaning, cooking, carrying, tidying up, and mediating disputes did not concern me. In 2020, I realized that my anger was not just my own anger. It was above all the anger of all women who don’t get the chance to be angry. Because they still have to iron. And quickly go to the supermarket and pick up shirts. So I decided to make myself useful – and with this book, to carry all our anger, all our voices, outward.
Who do you want to be? What you are and want to be for yourself is usually not what you are for others. For society, for the "system," you are initially and always: a woman. And because you, like me and all women, are a woman, you are also like all of us responsible for everything. Because you can do everything. Perform and be loving, earn money and look good, clean and care.
How do you want to live? Maybe you simply wish for a less stressful life. One in which it is natural to flexibly and fairly exchange privileges and duties; at work, in the household, in "care" work. How and whether this can succeed is never just a private matter. Because the whole society sticks its nose into the "woman." Unfortunately, usually not the nose of reason. You are well-educated, land a top job, move in with your partner – and the system already ties an apron around your laptop. As soon as you calmly consider what you yourself want and what you live for, it echoes from all corners: Women can, should, must have it all! Sounds good. Unfortunately, it is very difficult to translate this multimedia-spread promise into reality – no matter how old you are. Every student who believed that only her mind was valued knows this. Every single woman who spends her nights with her parents in need of care. Every founder who, after a hectic workday, succumbs to the fully automated urge to quickly finish the ironing, cook pasta, and clean the toilet.
Now it is the year 2022. I believe now is the perfect moment to resist. Against the ongoing neoliberal performance pressure, which forms a perfidious alliance with the female self-sacrifice of past centuries; against an image of women that is as deceitful as the dazzling blonde, constantly smiling, jam-making role ideal in Hollywood comedies of the 1950s and 60s. Against the permanent mode of gasping for breath – and for a life that not only makes others happy but also ourselves. That our bodies are under constant surveillance, that despite contrary claims we are nailed to the servant position, that we suffer from guilt, WHETHER we are working mothers, single mothers, only mothers or not mothers at all – all this is a huge societal scandal. None of us is identical with the label "woman," a certain female "norm" or "nature." We are all much more. Loving and creative beings with infinitely many different fantasies, wishes, and dreams. We need more anger. More courage. An emancipation that produces totally optimized but permanently stressed super women on a continuous basis contradicts itself. It is market- and brand-compliant but anything but "progressive." True freedom has little to do with autonomy. True freedom exists only together, not against each other. Together with women, men, and all genders, never alone. The deeper meaning of freedom is belonging. Because without belonging, there can be no positively experienced freedom.
Who are you? You are many things. And you are unique. We are all singular-plural surprise packages. Whoever tries to force us into the box woman must understand: WE WILL ESCAPE. At whatever point in your life you may be. "The Center of Responsibilities" provides you with survival strategies for the challenges of your hardcore everyday life and encourages you to realize your dreams. Are you angry? Do you wish for more ease? Do you really want to finally respect and love yourself more? If you connect brain and heart, the heavy suddenly becomes light. You realize that you are not alone. You experience the magic of courage and power. The magic of #NOBULLSHITFEMINISM.
About Rebekka Reinhard:
Rebekka Reinhard earned her doctorate in American and French contemporary philosophy. She is a speaker on topics such as leadership and women power, deputy editor-in-chief of the philosophy magazine HOHE LUFT, and hosts the podcast "What do you say about that?". Rebekka is a Spiegel bestseller author of titles such as "The Meaning Diet," "Would Plato Wear Prada?" and "A Little Philosophy of Power (only for women)". "The Center of Responsibilities: 20 Survival Strategies for Women Between Wanting, Should, and Must" is her eighth book and was published by Penguin Random House. It has 240 pages and costs 18.00 euros.
Photo: Sung Hee